MONO

Everything seems mono to me. Stop telling me that I should go get professional to talk to.

Good Bye!

Going Back To Work

Feeling a bit indecisive about going back to work. There must be a lot of things waiting for me to do. I really dont feel like working in this place now. Sick and tired. Just so me to feel this way after so many years at one place. And its pretty good that I can stay this long. After spending Saturday and Sunday with hubby in his KL apartment, it really kills my mood to go back to work again. I think my wound is recovering well after taking the stronger antibiotics. I am happy that my exam is finally over on Monday. Tuesday will be another day and I am feeling really moody. Dreadful.

A New Blog Skin

This is so difficult. I used to ask Hanz to help me with the blogskin. Since I am on leave, I thought I should try to learn how to do it. I spent about three hours trying to figure out. Its even harder than studying! Hahahaha... I guess I need more practices and learning to understand those codes. Some people can just do it like a piece of cake. Now, I have this new skin up, I am trying to get my sidebar back as you can see, the whole page has been centralised all the way down. I dont know how. Maybe I will figure out later!

Tomorrow is Khatijah's last day at work. Hanz just messaged me if I would be joining them for dinner tonight. Since I am not really in the fit situation, I decided not to go. I want to rest better and study for my coming exam on Monday. I think I may take a bus to KL to visit hubby over the weekend. Gosh. I am having headache now!

I decided to change back to the classic template. I just felt its not right somewhere... Today is 911-day.

On Medical Leave Again

I woke up this morning feeling feverish and painful at that spot which Prof did an biopsy. I really hate biopsy now. When I read my biopsy report that day, I realised that Prof had cut out about 1 cm of flesh from that most sensitive spot. No wonder it is so painful than the other spot where there was laser treatment given. I really could not tolerate as I have finished my antibiotics and decided to go and seek a doctor's advice if it is infected. I went to my company clinic and told the doctor on duty my whole story and he decided to inspect the area. So there is indeed some infection. He gave me 2 new doses of antibiotics and 2 other types of painkillers, plus 3 days of medical leave. ARGH! I really do not like it. I sympathise my colleagues who are helping me out even though they are already so busy with their work. (Thanks to Kelly for being my silent supporter and my dear supervisor, Melissa for standing by with me all the time! ) I just feel incompetent and wanting to leave my job. At least, the department can employ someone who is not sick like me. ARGH! Although my condition is more stable, the pre-cancer cells are gone. I am still on a tight schedule of following up, in every 3 to 4 weeks time frame. My entitled sick leave has exhausted and I need to use my annual leave to clear my medical leave. I plan to go for a short trip to Sydney to meet my sister-in-law at the end of the year but looking at my leave, I think it is kinda hard! At work, my morale is not getting higher each day. Luckily, I still have my studies and the thoughts of my hubby to look forward to. Now, my focus is to finish up my studies and plan to move over to KL to join hubby. I may join his company in research team. Although I have marketing background, I did not practise it after I finished my studies in that area. I love human services and has been exploring this area in the healthcare industry. But I guess, sometimes we need to make some sacrifices when it is time. Oh well... I am going to miss many people around!

DOA

What do you suggest when you see this picture? It was actually cuter in real life! It was lying beneath the motobike motionless! I just snapped and immediately it opened its eyes! So it was playing dead and very well! After a while, it sat up and stared into my camera, telling me not to disturb further. Right... When I turned my head to look at it, back to that sleeping pose again! I wish I can read its mind!

What Happened To Mother Nature ?

Look at this! Do you believe what you see? Do you know what you are looking at? Do you think this picture has been heavily photoshopped? Gosh! What happened to mother nature!!?

" PAINFUL RIGHT ?! "

That was the first thing Prof said when he saw me entering the room. I could not help it but laughed! Oh gosh, dear Prof! How is it not painful at that particular spot which is one of the most sensitive skin area! He laughed too but he assured me that he did a biopsy again on that particular spot and it is NOW CLEARED!!! Should I be jumping for joy? He checked the whole area again where the surgery was done. I could not bear to look at the screen this time cos' I really dont want to see how ugly it has become! Actually, it was the pain that made me squirm and I really want to get over with and go home! Prof said that I am recovering well. And he said that I should wash the area more often with running tap water, not necessary to use irrigation solution. But I just hate the stinging feeling and the Prof said, " You gotta bear with it, girl! "
Anyway, I will be back to work on Monday! I am not really excited about it. Dont know why... recently I have been thinking of searching for greener grass. But then, I also cannot bear to leave this working place and some colleagues. Oh well... Thats some thoughts! See about it again later!

It Has Been A Week

Yeah. One week after my surgery. I am still feeling the pain. Going for my first post-op check tomorrow. Feeling cranky and kinda sad. Dont know what it would be like. I dont feel like returning to work at all.

First my home internet has been giving me problems since last week. I cannot connect full time as it keeps going off line. Someone is going to come in tomorrow evening to have a check. I just feel like incompetence without internet. Gosh. Can I go back to primitive life? Bet it is impossible! ARGH!!!

Supposed to have a Gerontology Counselling at SSTI but unable to go due to my medical leave. I need to explain the whole story to company HR and SSTI as well since it is funded by company itself. Trouble. But what to do? Hopefully they can accept my explanation that I AM GOING TO MISS ONLY THIS LESSON TODAY!!! AND I COMPREHEND THAT I MAY NOT GET A CERTIFICATE OF ACCOMPLISHMENT!!! Damn it. IS EVERYTHING LIKE THESE SO IMPORTANT or MY HEALTH? Yeah. Yeah. MONEY! ITS ALL ABOUT MONEY! I was already being nice enough to send an email to SSTI to explain my absence today. Too bad I do not have our HR contact and I did not think of asking any of my colleagues about it. SO ITS GOING TO BE A BIG DEAL!!! Yeah. In case I will be ask to pay the full cost of the course. WTF anyway. I really dont feel like doing this job anymore. I dont really want to help anyone anymore. Anyway, policy makers only make poilicies. WTF. PERIOD.