BANG! SHOOT ME IF YOU CAN!

Hmmm... I was contemplating since Sunday whether I should go to the Emergency as I was still not feeling too good after the procedures last week. The doctor did tell me that if I am anywhere not too close to comfort, I should visit the Emergency. I woke up this morning about 3.25am feeling feverish. I took Panadols and hoping to feel better. I was worried of an infection there. Or I was also worried about the bleeding which has not stopped but lesser. I fell asleep and woke up at every hour to check the time. Dang! I have the alarm set, so what was I so paranoid about? I think I was just worried and feeling irritated. I heard the alarm at 6.30am. I texted my colleagues about my decision not to go to work and to go to the Emergency.

This was the first visit to a women's emergency department which was not crowded at all, not that I expected. I saw the doctor-on-duty quite fast, less than 15 minutes waiting time. He checked the part which was still sore and bleeding but he said that it seemed well. He let me test my urine, to rule out an urine tract infection. He gave me some more antibiotics. I think eating all these medication is making me even more sick but what to do? I feel like going back to work but those irritations do not make me feel any better. I cannot concentrate. I think I wont be able to fully concentrate till I am done and over with this treatment and the surgery! Quite stressful if that is the feeling. I am lost sometimes. Trying to accept my condition. And trying to give myself the hope and encouragement, looking at my loved ones around me. This is really unfortunate. Series and series of events that happened and happening in my life. I think that Almighty thinks I am up for the challenges that He just keeps throwing them at me. The good, the bad and the ugly. So should I be complaining? I should not be whining, should I? But He created me as a human being where flesh and blood are made. So now what again?

I think I am feeling bad about this whole situation regarding my job and studies. I even had a bad dream this afternoon when I woke up, I saw the time at 4pm and I was perspiring. I dreamt that I was talking to another colleague and then bad news broke to me that I have been asked to leave my work due to frequent absences! I wanted to cry! I took a cold shower and felt a little depressed sitting on the toilet seat, thinking about my future. What have I become?! Dang again!
Another depressing episode, I missed another lesson today. Feeling abit groggy. I try to read my notes and journals. Starting to type something for my assignment due next week. And I drifted off, now typing this instead. I am going to rest for another day. Hope that I can be back at work on Wednesday. I know, my colleagues would all be questioning me... So what I am going to say? Viruses ATTACKED!!! Thats it!

SIGH. I feel so fucked up! FUCK MY LIFE! FUCK!

Thanks Almighty for keeping me alive!