Fighting Viruses

I do not want to go mentally crazy but this can be quite a torture. Dealing with some illness is not easy for an individual especially when pain is involved and emotions can be abstract. Why do I say that emotions can be abstract? I can lose myself into the abyss of emotions and trying to swim out of it but do not know which directions to go. But I do take it quite well in the sense that I can still function normally.

When my body was being attacked by some viruses which can be cancerous, I was not quite in shock to hear the news at the first place. I have been expecting this, not that I am pessimistic about my own health but I have a history of cancer illnesses from my late mum's family. So here I am, dealing with some cancer causing viruses at my vulva and cervix, I need to deal with them with initial pain before these viruses turned nasty and started dealing with me. The thing about these viruses are, they come in hundred and one kinds that can stay or go as they wish. Stubborn ones like what I have just refused to fight with my body and stay put, so I need to make them leave or they will start building up nests and become networks that go to other parts of my body. These crab-like things can multiple very fast if you let them grow.

I need some strength. I am glad that my bosses and colleagues are kind enough to excuse me from work when I need to go for my treatment. But I am not too sure if my school is generous enough for me to attend less than the required 80% of the class which falls on every Wednesday as I may feel too painful to move around after I am done with the procedure, I need to skip the lesson. Well, my doctor only comes in on Wednesday, so I have no other days to choose. Anyway, I need to check with them again. My hubby seems supportive. He is always cheering me but I am not so sad actually. Probably that is just the way he does to show support. Words of emotion will make him cry like a baby. My own family is also taking my condition pretty well. Whatever comes along, we deal with it together.

I cry when I want to cry. I laugh when I want to laugh. How much worse can I be? I guess this is one bravest part of me that I have never seen. And I hope I can still be as brave as now when it is time for surgery. Just gotta hang on there, right!? ... Hmmm ... I miss Granny ...
And you can see, that was just a funny shot my hubby took with me in the train after we were going home from a procedure.
I did not look quite happy with his silly enthics.